Theres a reason for that.
Its called stress, or anger, rage, depression, heartache, abandonment, trust issues, lonesome, busy, and rage. But mostly stress.....caused by ALL of the above. Want to hear why? Keep reading, its a fun little story. It involves me, and 2 people you might have heard me mention, Ace and Daphne.
~*~
Here goes, remember those posts where i said i was feeling left out? kept out of the loop? forgotten? Yes, were still talking about my best friend and my roomate here. "if there your friends, why is this going on?" you say? Well fuck if i know. Ive asked myself that, ive asked them that. Nobody can give me a straight or conclusive answer.
They all seem to think ive been upset and pissy because Ace broke up with me. Yea, im still upset about it. But it doesnt have much to do with this situation, im not the one bringing it into fights or even simple conversation. Its nice to have my nose rubbed into the fact that im not datible. Some friends right? You havent heard the fun part. The reason why i almost threw my laundry basket at my own mother (were on good terms btw, i was just angry) and the reason why i have been in a constant state of rage since shadowmoor.
My animals have been at his apartment because i havent been able to care for them. No big deal, when that was arranged we still hung out on a regular basis and he let me know how they were doing. Lets fast forward shall we? I have to beg to come over and see them, I have to plead and whine just to know how there doing. God forbid he gives me the time of day to text me back, or return a phone call. "how is daphne involved?" you say? It honestly doesnt feel like we've lived together since july. She spends all her time with Ace. They arent dating, he isnt interested, hes told her that. Yet shes over there, all day, everyday.
Why even bother paying rent when you arent home, to unpack, clean, help out or do anything that involves living here. You do all that at Ace's house. Hes 22, he can fucking clean up after himself. He knows how to vaccum and do dishes. Ive seen him. You arent his mother, dont treat him like he's 5.
"I seem angry?" You are right, but im beyond angry. Im enraged, i havent ever wanted to hurt something or someone this much before. I have tried to stay out of human contact as much as i possibly can recently. Because do not want to explode on someone. Its happened before, it'll happen again. I know that much.
"But why the rage?" Im tired of being blown off, lied to, denied visiting right to MY animals and excluded from anything Top Hat Exotics related. Yes lied to. By one of the few people i never thought would lie to me, even a white lie. But here we are. Im starting to wonder if our entire 6 month relationship was even real at this point. Because everything else seems to be a sham, why should that be any different?
So HOPEFULLY after tonight i will have My animals in MY apartment. If not he does have an excuse this once, he doesnt have the gas money to get home. Hes stuck up at Western with Daphne, his brother, his new friends and his new girl friend. Poor baby.
i completely understand where youre coming from. look at it this way....at least it was ONLY 6 months! Mine was 5 YEARS!! visits in jail, lots of money, shit-talking to, having a drunkard as a boyfriend, and THEN, after taking him in so he he wont have to live on the street, we get into a fight where he tried to cut CUT MY FINGERS OFF!!!, tells me thats no more than i deserve, and i send him BACK to jail!! believe me, i KNOW rage! just take a deep breath, know that you can get thru this in one piece, and leave them alone. they obviously, are NOT worth your time. Just know, also, that there are people who love and care about you hunni. Whether in Charlotte or in Georgia (me). If you need to rant to someone, you can call me anytime. I wont offer up any advice, unless you want it, and all u have to do is rant.
ReplyDeleteLiz
The relationship wasnt badm we never fought. It also ended in march, the fighting and bullshit has been going on since july-august
ReplyDeleteDid you plan on marrying this man?
ReplyDeleteIf not then you knew it was going to end at some point.
And just by reading your words I can tell that you are not "undatable", you simply have a low veiw of yourself, and im willing to bet you push people away because of it
you have probably even broken some poor boys heart, that would genuinely care about you, do his damndest to make your day every day, and even help you get your animals, within this last month
give that boy a chance, who knows he may be suffering as much as you, and you might be able to help eachother
It crossed my mind yes. I would have said yes if he'd asked, i knew he would have if it didnt end up ending. You are correct, i dont think high of myself, i never have. I push plenty of people away, intentionally and accidentally. I doubt ive broken anyones heart, id notice.
ReplyDeleteSuffering guy? i dont know of any besides Ace. I knew this issue was stemming from another source, but instead of confronting it he runs away. In turn hurting people around him and making it worse, a vicious cycle if you will. It has since been resolved, and everything should go back to a semi normal pace. Though i have yet to talk to my roomate...
it is EXTREMELY dificult to detect a broken heart in reality, those who suffer overtly and act like their hearts have been broken just want attention
ReplyDeletepeople who suffer from a broken heart often say romanticised things like; "its ok i still care" and stuff like that
you just have to ask them if you hurt them but dont do so unless you are willing to really give them a shot or you might hurt them more
eh i feel like im one of the few that does notice, im very empathetic like that. I also have been suffering from said broken heart, its gotten better. But im still mending for the most part.
ReplyDeleteim starting to wonder if your one of the supposed 'boys' hearts ive broken. but i really do doubt that i have, i did piss someone off by accident. i apologized when he explained everything, but i cant help it if someone took what i said the wrong way
i doubt he was pissed he was probably just realy crushed, did you give him a shot or was there something wrong with him
ReplyDeleteNo there wasnt anything wrong with him persay, im not really attracted to him, but he isnt bad looking. But i told him that i wasnt that interested, and he took everything i said after that way to personally or the wrong way. Then got upset when i told him other wise, because i wasnt treating him special or differently than anyone else.
ReplyDeleteDid you do or say anything to entertain the possibility or make it seem like you where interested?
ReplyDeleteIf so, he might have had a pre-existing attraction to you, some kind emotional dammage from a previous relationship, or something of that nature, and that would likely have blown things a bit out of proportion, particularly if you treated him like everyone else or "just a friend" right after crushing him.
so the way I see it
he is either crazy about you
or just crazy
either way it sounds like a match made in heaven lol
that anonymous is right, ive been married for 11 years to the love of my life and he was exactly like that boy, i didnt even like him when we started dating (his depression actually kind of scared me), but it was the best thing i ever did
ReplyDeleteslow down sweet heart i didnt say she should marry the guy i was simply saying that its better to give one's self more options and opportunities then shutting people down
ReplyDeleteI know, I was agreeing with you
ReplyDeleteoh, oops. nvm
ReplyDeletewow im confused. ok, are we talking about heartbroken boy or ace here? but my response below is about depressed angsty younger boy that i apparently crushed...
ReplyDeleteBut it is possible i may have said something that could have insinuated that i was interested. I did say we could hang out, as friends. Yes he was interested, and yes he had a bad previous gf break him. I however dont and never will date someone officially or unofficially to just try it out. Im not saying you both are fake, but thats how it looks in my opinion. Plus id rather not date someone whos got feelings when i dont and if i dont return them, ill feel worse (especially if sex is involved). Im not gonna fake a relationship for anyone, it isnt fair in the long run.
nobody said anything about faking or sex sweet heart, if it dosent work it dosent work, all we are saying is that for someone like you (or anyone for that matter) its probably best not to turn people away without giving them a real shot, even if not that boy, there are probably others that you could really get to know or just try on for size and see how you feel after youve been around them for awile, you dont even have to tell them that they are eligable if they've let you know how they feel, just spend more time around them to get a read on the actual person and not the mask they wear in public (which unfourtunately pretty much everyone dose)
ReplyDeleteI give people a shot so to speak. Ive known that guy for over a year, i dont necessarily not like them, but i dont at the same time. he bullshits a lot about the army and base camp training at 6 years old.... i dont date liars, especially bad ones.
ReplyDeletedid he say army or militia because there was a scandal not to long ago (like 7 years ago) that got swept under the rug big time because alot of senators knew about it and didnt do a thing, it was all over a milita based out of FL, with bases in GA, SC, NC, VA, WA, AL, TX, NM, and like 9 other states, that had been trainig children (the youngest of which was 5 when he started) for just over 11 years, compleately ruined a good bunch of kid's lives, if that boy was one of them you need to stay very far away from him he is dangerous and probably has some ptsd, unless he wanted to be trained/liked the training in which case he is just flat out crazy and you still need to stay away from him
ReplyDeleteAre you serious?!? That actually happened? Ive heard of things like that but just thought is was an urban legend.
ReplyDeleteI agree though, my mom always told me not to date a war veteran because they tend to be a little crazy and pretty agressive, I would give him a wide birth if I where you, unless he dosent show those symptoms, or is on medication of some kind.
Or, there could be nothing wrong with him, and he could just be lying
ReplyDeleteOh i know hes lying, hes a consistent liar whether hes doing subconsciously or not. I know hes doing it to get attention, which is why i havent` called him out on it sooner. Because nobody else has and aside from that detail he isnt that bad to be around.
ReplyDeletehe was probably insecure and in a new or unfamiliar place when it happened, the more he is around you the less likely he is to lie (he probably just didnt trust you or anyone else that much when he lied to you so he was trying to give off subconsious "fuck off" vibes which alot of guys do when they dont have good barings or dont trust an environment)
ReplyDeletethat could also be a result of upbringing if he lived away from people and didnt have much interaction with them, he wouldnt know to handle social interaction very well and would put up a front, its a temporary transitional thing and goes away with time (or he could just have a low opinion of himself and lie to make up for it in which case he is lying to himself not to you)
ReplyDeleteive known him for over a year, and have talked with him in public and private. He lies, all the time. It is the 1 consistent thing he does in my opinion. His storys seem to change a lot as well, which makes me wonder what is true about him...
ReplyDeletewhat exactly has he lied about
ReplyDeletethe army\military stuff at age 5-10. the age changes every time he tells it. that biologicly hes older than i am, or some shit. the list goes on like that, things way to far fetched for any sane person to believe
ReplyDeleteso your normal run of the mill bs?
ReplyDeletepretty much
ReplyDeleteehem... hi lara
ReplyDelete- Marcus